Dear Shabi’s

22nd October – The SHABI’s visit Sir Fallalot

A sombre ride as the SHABI’s visit the final resting place of our great friend and fellow SHABI; Sir Fallalot.

Smashie was RM and determined to dot the i in idiot, for which we are famous, and with Chuffy was DRM – what could go wrong. Runners and riders also included; C2C7, Slumpers, his carer Tonka, LBD (Love Bus Driver), No-name Mike, Faff Cheeks, Big Ring, Mastic Man, Simon the Wheels, Dobbs and Ming – 13 riders.

Starting from the Jolly Drover the food situation was all too difficult for them and we “had to be back by 8:30” or the chef would get overloaded etc. Sometimes I wonder if the British actually want to succeed in business by giving customers good service – seems to me that customers are clearly just a nuisance for some.

We head downhill to start and into Durford woods – a great blast to start with followed by a sharp climb and then more downhill. The second downhill gets very fast and then the trail narrows and does a ninety-degree right turn. This can catch out the unwary but all succeed without mishap.

Then onto the “bridleway” to the A272 crossroads and the RM requests “stealth mode” (“what the fluck don’t you understand about turn your lights off”) as we bimble across someone’s back garden. Hard to know what the householder must have thought of 13 x 2000 lumens wandering around the countryside (that’s a total of 26,000 lumens – bright as the sun on a clear day) – perhaps the second coming of the apocalypse or a small nuclear device?

Anyway we cross the A272 and the RM suffers brain fade and a retreat is called. During the retreat C2C7 falls down a steep embankment tumbling down over 15ft but dusts himself off claiming a “tis but a small scratch” and “I’ve had much worse” – which is undoubtably true. In sympathy, the DRM, Chuff does exactly the same – there is something admirable about the teamwork on display from these two senior Law Enforcement Operatives.

Then into Petersfield and we pay our respects at the graveside of our dear friend Sir Fallalot with a minute’s silence. Rest in Peace.

We then head north through Petersfield and pick up the trails to the west of the A3 passing the Harrow pub and although tempted to stop for a pint, the food situation prevailed and we headed onwards. Fairly muddy but we press on. Then along the A3 and over the railway and we head for central Liss.

We pop into visit (Algee is now called LBD, Love Bus Driver) Mrs LBD and daughter. Very welcoming but Mia (aged 3) is not fooled when she asked Mrs LBD – “Mummy, who are those silly men with daddy?”. Yep we have been found out by a 3 year old.

With time running short LBD takes us back up the hill to the Jolly Drover and we settle down for an average meal. Your blogger can’t really summon any enthusiasm for a pub that gets snotty about serving 11 meals on a Tuesday because they want to shut the kitchen early.

A NEW FEATURE from our resident bike expert

BINKY BYKEKNUT

In this feature, Binky will fearlessly tackle any personal or technical issues you might have (these can be submitted via the SHABI Whatsapp)

Dear Binky,

I have real problem. When I am riding along I always look out for something I want to avoid; like a tree or, a cliff I don’t want fall down. Trouble is that as soon as I look at it, my bike moves in that direction and I end up doing exactly what I don’t want to do – like hit a tree or fall down a cliff.

What is your advice

Yours P from Lymington

Address withheld

Dear P,

Simples – just shut your eyes and use the force. Failing that, just shut your eyes.

Hope this helps

Dear Binky,

I have a new Whyte bike and I am keen to have the best accessories. What accessories would you recommend?

Yours P of Liss

Dear P,

Whyte is a quality brand and a significant investment but you should be careful of showing off, as many riders in the Peleton will start to feel inadequate (due to their shit bikes) and that could lead to some negative feelings towards you.

I suggest you go to Tesco or the “sale bin” on any Cycling component website and buy any old cheap plasticy shitty components and strap them to your bike with tie wraps and/or gorilla tape.

Hence any feeling of envy amongst the peleton will be greatly reduced when you turn up looking like a bag lady with a supermarket trolley for a bike.

Hope this helps

Binky

Scores on the doors….

I love you all

Smashie X